


cute everyday

by peachyblush



Series: kiss meme fics [11]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up Angst, But it's there, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, but still, very little kissing, very slight though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-26 18:09:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12563208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachyblush/pseuds/peachyblush
Summary: Some part of him doesn’t want to do that, it’ll break Junmyeon’s heart.





	cute everyday

It felt wrong, even though Sehun knew it wasn’t. With so much of thoughts running in his mind, with so many people telling him he should wait till they both are old enough to understand their feelings, and this age is full of confusion and if they don’t break up early, it’s going to be hard later, after a few years, where both him and Junmyeon are mature, have their feelings up together.

Sehun is glad that people around him aren’t homophobic, although he’s yet to understand how it feels like. Sure, his parents don’t know about his sexuality, they’re homophobic, but... it doesn’t sum up correctly. He isn’t even sure if he’s actually gay, or just a ‘phase’ people keep talking about online. 

Sehun wants to tell Junmyeon about these thoughts he’s getting, wants the assurance that they’ll see if something happens in the future, and he wants to be told that it’s okay if Sehun wants to break up now, and get back to him once he’s sure about it.

Some part of him doesn’t want to do that, it’ll break Junmyeon’s heart. Sure, he acts all tough and shit, but it’s Sehun who knows that Junmyeon cries over anime character deaths, he can’t handle the angst which comes along with being an artist, he’s got so much bottled up in him, he breaks down in front of selected three to four people, Sehun’s glad to be in that small group.

Junmyeon closes the door behind him, smiling a little. “Doing your homework?”

Sehun nods, sighing. “I guess, but it’s a little hard, you know? Maths.”

“Nope, don’t ask me anything about it, I suck,” Junmyeon raises his arms in surrender, he goes to Sehun’s study table, takes out the extra-sketchbook he keeps, a pencil from the stand, and spins on the chair. He’s facing Sehun when he says, “You look cute today.”

“I look cute everyday,” Sehun goes back to working on the problems.

There’s silence in the room, and Junmyeon’s presence is not helping the thoughts. He wants to say it out loud, and he isn’t really sure about his feelings towards Junmyeon anymore, than he isn’t sure if he’s gay, or why he’s even living in the first place. He wants to say that they should break up, come back when they’re sure.

As weird as it is, Sehun never wants to regret anything in his life. But, this age is so frustrating to him, he does a thing now, then regrets it the next minute. It’s annoying.

“Hey, hey, what’s with that look?”

Sehun looks up at Junmyeon, only to feel the muscles of his forehead tight, lips formed into a little pout, jaws clenched painfully, and the pencil clutched tight in his fist. 

Junmyeon uses his eraser on the book before asking, “What’s bothering you, baby?”

The word leaves him a little breathless. The power of simple nicknames by Junmyeon is ridiculous.

“Can I tell you something?”

Junmyeon nods, not looking up at him, but Sehun knows he’s paying attention. Sehun watches Junmyeon’s pencil move as he says, it’s better to see that than Junmyeon’s face right now. “I think we should break up.”

The pencil stops moving, it lifts from the paper, comes back again, then it is lifted again. “Why?”

Sehun sighs and melts into the bedsheets, pushing the books away from his face. “I’m not sure about my feelings for you anymore.”

“Oh.”

“Not only that, I’m not sure if I’m gay. Am I just faking it? Or I am actually gay?” It’s more of a monologue now as Sehun continues. Once he starts, he doesn’t stop till he’s got nothing else to say.

“My brother keeps telling me that I shouldn’t come out to my friends, because he doesn’t get a good vibe from them, and there are a few things which make me think I just like the idea of dating men and having sex with them — that’s the worst part, you know? I can’t have sex till I’m of the legal age. I don’t get to find out if I’m gay or not by actually having sex with a dude. It would make things easier.”

“It wouldn’t. You’d like it, probably — good for you if you realize you don’t like it — and then comes the thought of dating. Would you actually date a dude?”

“Yeah. Maybe. I don’t know.” Sehun wishes he were at least eighteen sometimes. Would’ve been easier, with feelings got together and all. “I like it when you call me nicknames, I like it when you kiss my cheek and I get to kiss your cheek, I — the other times, I’m neutral around you. There aren’t any of those butterflies anymore, you just feel like just another friend.”

Sehun didn’t notice Junmyeon moving to the bed, he slides next to Sehun, stroking the younger’s arm. “I am just another friend of yours, Sehun. We’re friends first, boyfriends later.”

“I don’t think I’m ready for the commitment of ‘boyfriends’ Junmyeon-hyung,” Sehun sits up, facing the elder as he speaks, “I’m not ready for anything — every step feels like a bad idea. The book, the feelings, the studying — all of it.”

Junmyeon’s hands cups Sehun’s face, they both are of the same height, nearly. But Sehun’s growing taller, and Junmyeon always whines about going to hurt his neck by looking up constantly.

“It always feels like that, Sehun,” Junmyeon’s voice is low, Sehun leans his forehead against the elder’s and sighs, closing his eyes.  _Just listening_. Like his father keeps asking him to. “And I understand it, it’s okay. Really. Let’s break up, come back once we’re adults, around twenty?”

Sehun nods very slightly.

“Good.” Junmyeon’s face is so close, Sehun cannot help the acceleration of his heartbeat, the churning of his stomach. He’s never got control over his body.

When they kiss — Sehun’s first kiss, and Junmyeon’s too — it’s a violent one. Filled with feelings they never knew were hidden. It’s borderline desperate, borderline crying, borderline every other feeling. Sehun feels a small tear drop roll down his cheeks. It’s wiped by Junmyeon’s thumb.

They break the kiss, and Junmyeon looks at him worried. “Are you okay? Don’t cry, Sehunnie, you don’t look cute crying.”

Sehun chuckles. “But, I look cute everyday.”

Junmyeon nods, “Yes, but not while crying like a baby.”

Sehun takes a hold of Junmyeon’s t-shirt, pulling the elder into another kiss. His fist tightens there, he isn’t even sure if this is how people kiss, but God, it’s helping. And he wants to keep kissing Junmyeon. Keep kissing Junmyeon till he’s realized that he actually likes Junmyeon, and that he’s gay, and doesn’t regret a bit of anything. And all that jazz.

Suddenly, it’s overwhelming, and they break the kiss again. Sehun groans. Fuck this shitty life he’s got. Why did everything had to be so fucking confusing?

Junmyeon’s hands move to Sehun’s neck, a comforting circle being rubbed on his neck, Junmyeon lets the younger rest his head on his shoulders, sniffling softly and holding back his sobs.

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” Sehun says, “I hate this so much.”

“It’s okay,” Comes the reply. “As long as you let it out, it’s fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> warnin: it’s agnsty and a little something personal ????????


End file.
